Introduction to Danii

Hello,

I’m Danii & these are my thoughts.  Well, some of them, at least the semi filtered ones that are too raw for my facebook friends, and okay for my Instagram followers. I decided to create a blog because I literally have a million thoughts that run across my mind on a daily basis.  I write a lot, usually in an old notebook, or in the notes of my Iphone 7.  =) I decided, it would be cool to get some input along the way.

So,”Dear Danii” was derived from throwback twitter name, lol.  I used to write a lot about my thoughts on there, it was so bad, it was almost like a diary to myself  about my life.  This will be similar.

About Danii

Birth name is Danielle.  Born and raised in a small town in Louisiana.  I’m 28. I have TWO little boys aged 7 & 2 as a product from my previous marriage. I’m single and liking it.  I like to read, write, think and eat  =) but most importantly spend time with my loved ones! I’m very easy to please, sometimes it’s a downfall, but I’m working on that.

This blog will be simply about my journey as a single woman. Finding myself as a woman, mother and eventually someone’s mate.  This blog won’t always be about me, but i’ll post some open ended questions so you can interact with me, because I love that! You’ll gain insight into how I think, and why I think the way that I do. Stop by  my blog often and Like, Share & comment. & I hope you enjoy.

 

I hope you enjoy.

Love,

Danii

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Forgiveness

August 9th is always a tough day. It honestly gets a little easier each year but it’s always tough! It was the day that my brother was taken away from me. He was only 19! I used to think that 19 was old, but for a 14 year old at the time , it seemed as if you lived a long life. With me being 29 years old now, i see how much life my Brother never got to experience. I think about if I would have had nieces or nephews would i have a sister in law. Would you have protected me from the shitty relationships ? The “what if’s” hurt so bad man, because I don’t know and it’s safe to say I’ll never know. Also with those thoughts always came the thoughts of how would it feel to talk to the person who took you away. I just knew I’d curse you out, yell and scream that is to be expected I believe. Well that day came yesterday. After seeing a remorseful post that was written i decided to see just how remorseful you were. I said “if you feel this way, here’s my number you call me and say all of that!” Your voice gave me chills, I’ve never heard it since the last time i saw you in court crying when they sentenced you. That was the only time i saw emotion in you otherwise i saw you to be heartless ..now, 16 years later this was a whole different person on the phone! You extended gratitude for me even to be willing to speak to you. You were remorseful! So remorseful to the point to where i felt sorry for you! You owned up to it! Never pointed the finger on no one but your own bad choices! You said everything i needed to hear which made everything that i wanted to say go completely out of the window. At one point, i felt bad, only because i felt that i was disrespecting my brother for wanting to forgive you. Before i even talked to you on the phone, i went to the gravesite and just thought should i forgive you ? Would my brother be okay with it. I think the answer is he’d probably be pissed lol but at the end of the day he’d be proud. Proud that I didn’t give hate instead i showed love. You see, j did something for you that you couldn’t do that night. You admitted you let the devil win that night, and had i not forgiven you i would have too! And i think he’s already won more things than he should have! He’s drawn two families apart among other things but yesterday he didn’t win! Together we showed him forgiveness heals! You were apart of my healing process had i not forgiven you id still be this bitter girl holding on to pain. But today, i feel better! I’m still hurt, still sad about a lot. But after listening to him speak, hear his feelings , hear how emotional he was, it helped me! We will NEVER be best friends let’s be clear, but he’s not the enemy anymore..I’m grateful for that! You don’t understand how much power i took from the devil last night! That feels damn good! Aaron said “God will get the glory no matter what and he’s still good” and a part of me wanted to say yes that’s easy for you to say, but in all honesty, this man lost his life too! I’m sure more times than not, he wishes he’s dead than here to live the rest of his life in prison. So then yea Maybe from our story the glory will be many other young kids would see this and realize it’s not the route to take, and then maybe other victims can learn forgiveness! Aaron also said something that stuck out to me. ” We live our lives from day to day when instead we need to live it second by second..it took ONE SECOND to change my entire life” that’s so true, we need to be mindful and not put ourselves in situations that could change our lives for the worse. Sometimes we really don’t know, and other times we do! For the moments that we do, we should use our better judgment. As for me, I learned forgiveness is for you not them. When you forgive you let go of anything attached to other side of it..(hate, anger, resentment). Those things will never bring the other person back. While i know others may look at me crazy for doing something that they “never” would. I didn’t do it for you either ..And I’m sorry i didn’t live up to your expectations of hate. I know my brother would be proud overall, cuz forgiveness doesn’t take away from me loving and missing him. Instead, it helped heal me from having an impure heart towards someone for something I can never change! But i can be a voice for others who have gone through the same thing! ❤️

Love + Light

Danii

Five things that may help with dating anxiety!

Dating while dealing with anxiety has got to be one of the scariest thing that one could do. It makes us create problems that are sometimes non-existent. We are afraid to get hurt (again), so instead, we run people away with our insecurities. If they take too long to text back, they must not love us anymore. If they don’t seem as happy to talk to us, then maybe they aren’t feeling us anymore. In return, we break our own hearts. Don’t be confused, sometimes, it is US breaking our own hearts, but sometimes it isn’t.. Sometimes, they really aint fck’n with us anymore lol. Everyone wants consistency, and if something changes in a habit that has been going on for a while, then it’s clear that SOMETHING has changed. The problem is, that “something” could very much so easily not be what we think it is. A person with anxiety is ALWAYS thinking the worst. Instead, it could be something such as; work related stress, family problems, or maybe even the other person’s anxiety. We automatically go to, “They don’t love me anymore” LOL. Sad, but true. Believe me I know, I ask my boo a million times a day if he loves me. Lol. This could be looked at insecurity if your spouse doesn’t understand it. Hard truth I’ve also found that could be annoying for your spouse. Although it’s a chance you could be right, there is ALSO a chance that you could be wrong. So for me, I’ve had to learn to no longer think it’s the worst case scenario, and instead realize that I’m only in control of my own emotions. I know how I’m feeling, but that is ONLY my thoughts not theirs. I’ve learned to ask, instead of assuming the worst. I believe, it’s okay to say “Is something on your mind?” instead of, “You cheating on me” lol, I do both =) Overall, I believe he knows where I’m coming from mentally. He understands the kind of past that I have, but even that won’t be an excuse forever. However, communicating to your spouse your issues, will help them to understand you a little bit better. Don’t let your thoughts force you to ruin a good thing, but you should still also pay attention to your intuition. You know when something isn’t right. We get signs way before we actually find out, so be smart. Ignoring the signs is a terrible decision, instead communicate. Don’t be afraid to say how you feel. Remember, having serious conversations will only scare away the people who aren’t meant for you. In summary these are things that you should keep in mind.

1. You cannot stop someone from cheating. Only person that can do that, is somebody who doesn’t want to cheat!

2. You are only in control of your own emotions. How YOU feel, may not be THEIR feelings.

3. They may be facing their own problems that have nothing to do with you. If you care so much, then genuinely care, ask them what’s wrong and try to help them out.

4. Above all else, communicate. Tell them how you feel, and maybe things will change. Only way to find out is expressing how you feel. Make sure they know, overall, you just want to feel loved.

5. Random “i love you’s” or “i appreciate you” often work (thank u so much for that today babe)

Hope this helped a bit.

Love + Light,

Danii

5 ways to know that you’ve found “The One”

During the past four years or so, one of the main things that I searched for was true love.  You know the kind that seems as if it only exists in movies, or love songs.  That perfectly imperfect kind of love.  People have always told me “That doesn’t exist”, or “Maybe you’re asking for too much.” To be honest, I thought I was as well. Willing to settle for half the list that i created, and half the happiness. I’d always meet these guys who were the perfect eye candy but harmful to my soul, or these guys who were good for my heart but weren’t soul food. This time i think i got it right, and even if he isn’t my forever, I’ve never been so grateful to meet a man in my entire 29 years of existence! I love him more than I ever could love another soul. I can’t even explain it, but I’ll try to put it into words. After this,I can honestly say, never settle until you’ve found THE ONE or THE ONE FOR YOU..What looks like love to me may look different to anyone else. So understand, these are my thoughts and feelings on finding “The One” & what I felt as though love should look like.

Love is: (in my opinion)

Safety – love, in my opinion, feels and looks like safety. It feels like i can let all guards down and not worry. Be completely free to be who I am, to say how I feel, and to not worry about any judgement to come from it . Not having to worry about your partner leaving them because they know deep down inside that they trust their person with their heart. That is what his love feels like to me.

Pure– love is not perfect, but my hearts greatest desire was to find someone who was willing to put in the work for me, for us. Someone who knew the road ahead wouldn’t be smooth but willing to still take the trip with me. I call that a pure love. Someone who loves me no matter what it looks like but genuinely loves and cares about me and everything that comes with me.

Partnership– i think love should make you feel like you are with your team mate. Make you want to build something with them. Whether that be a business or just to be life partners. We know that there is no “I” in team, you both have to be willing to participate, and to figure it out. If your partner wants to start a business, then you should be willing to help. If you don’t think that business venture is a good idea, be able to communicate why or why not it’s a good idea and be willing to come up with a better one together!

Reciprocity – no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t want them as badly as they want the other person. Along my journey, i tolerated a lot of things that i knew wasn’t right Sometimes out of fear of being lonely.i had so much love to give , I always knew I’d be a bomb girlfriend if love found me again, but i had to find the right man to give it all away to. I wanted a heart that wanted mine. Someone that I didn’t have to think were they thinking of me because they told it to me first. I got that 🤗

Communication – the biggest thing! If you can’t tell the person you’re likely to spend the rest of your life with how you really feel, then maybe they are the wrong person. You are two different people you will not always agree on the same thing..that’s life. But the last thing you want to do is keep all of your feelings inside and then one day they explode.

For me, i know that this love is new and it will be exciting mainly because of its newness. But coming from someone who was married and still never had this feeling, I think I’ll just hold on to it. Never had someone who cared about my wellbeing and future so much, who understood me this well, or made me laugh this hard, someone who made me feel this safe + secure, someone who communicates and strategizes and wants to build with me, someone who loves me flaws and all. There’s nothing nobody could tell me about this man, cuz i know it. Everyone deserves to feel this feeling. If you’ve been following my social media you’d know how much shit I’ve taken and how situations failed that I’ve been in, I’ve felt defeated but never caved and never gave anyone my heart til now & if i don’t know anything. .🗣i deserve this! 😊.For anyone reading who may be going through their single season, All I can say is DO NOT SETTLE! Don’t settle for the kids, don’t settle for the years, don’t even settle for the SEX! 🙄. Understand, he/she’s out there, and if you keep holding on to relationships, jobs, friendships that doesn’t serve you anymore you can’t make room for the greatness that can come to you!

Light + Love,

Dani 💕

Happiness is in the eye of the beholder.

I was down today, as some days i am because 🤷🏾‍♀️, I’m human & then I looked at a girl..she had those shoes i wanted. Those lime green Balenciaga’s; “the ones that look like socks”.  And i thought to myself, once i get them, would that then make me happy? I really THOUGHT about that, and the answer was no. If i had those shoes today, i will still feel like THIS. I would just be in a shitty mood with pretty shoes. Lol. The things i really want don’t have a price tag. Good people make me happy, good experiences make me happy. Of course we NEED money to do things, to pay bills, to travel, to survive. To me, happiness is what you make of it. What you see to be happiness, is what is happiness to YOU! Some people Are happy to be spared an extra day when the doctors say they only have two days to live. Some people are happy to have running water. Some people are happy to have love. It’s crazy that The more we have; the more we want. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s wrong to want more. If we are Gods children then we should reap the benefits of being children of a king. However, I do think it’s wrong not to realize how good we have it. Every day even if i complain,  i say how grateful i am. Anyone that knows me, knows this to be true. Grateful for the little and the big things.   They ALL matter. No blessing too small. There are people with a lot more who are unhappy in life + there are a lot more people who are happy with less than you have. Aim for more but ALWAYS be grateful AND happy!

Shit i learned in my twenties

As I am approaching year 30.  I look over my life and think about all the things i have learned.  i literally have no regrets, because at the end of the day God knows best.  Every single moment is preordained all i’m doing is going with the flow.  To the young girls in their twenties, maybe i can save yall from some heartache…so here goes.

Year 20- Make sure you live your life, don’t become tied down to someone who won’t allow you to be your BEST self.  HAVE FUNNNN!!!  This is a year for self discovery and fun.

Year 21- Before you have kids with someone, make sure they will be the person who would be mature enough to coparent with IF yall don’t work out, also make sure that person will be a man who will be present in their kids life without force.

Year 22- Make sure you keep your friends close, do not let anyone get in between that.  A major part of  a healthy relationship/ marriage, is healthy + respectful friendships outside of that relationship.

Year 23- You cannot beat on a door and turn it into a wall.  If you meet a person and they have ugly ways, a wedding ring, baby or anything else won’t change it.  either be willing to accept the person as is, or move on.

Year 24-  It’s okay if a relationship doesn’t work out. don’t force friendships, relationships, ponytails, just don’t do it.

Year 25- What you allow is what will continue.  Trust your heart and follow it. Love wins always, whether that be self-love or not.

Year 26- It’s okay to get an eraser and start all over again. Your life is a canvas, if something doesn’t come out the way you like it, flip the pencil over erase and draw that shit again.

Year 27- Family will stick by your side even when you’ve forsaken them! Stay true to those who have always been true to you, don’t take them for granted.

Year 28- Self care is the best care. learn to fall in love with yourself, and everyone else will too.

Year 29- Leaving a legacy is beyond important.  Stop waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, and light that bitch up yourself.

 

Love,

Danii.

A letter to my black sons…

 

Your melanin.

Your peanut butter brown skin, and your golden brown skin that you are IN..

alone

May be the reason why you will be hated

By people you don’t know.

For reasons that you may never understand.

You will have to work twice as hard as some of your peers to get positions that you are overqualified for

Don’t let it deter you.

Be proud of who you are + be proud of where you came from.

Keep your head up and work hard for what you want

That way, no one can say it was given to you, it’ll be earned.

Your skin, is the skin of your ancestors who fought so hard

So that you would be able to step foot in doors that they could not.

Your skin is the skin of your ancestors who were beaten so that you would be given a chance to read this letter.

Those beatings that they endured,

That is what makes your skin tough

You can get through anything.

Your hands are those from the lineage of men and women who picked cotton

not because they wanted to

but because they had to,

& Because of them.

Those hands that you have, will never have to do anything of the sort.

Use them to change the world.

Your feet are from those feet that were blistered as they had to walk barefoot

Use them to walk the path of righteousness.

Young Kings, life will not be easy for you,

But it will never be as hard as your ancestors had it.

Give praise to the highest for placing you in a time, where our freedom isn’t as free as the rest, but it’s what we have, so we have to work with it.

In school “Black History” will teach you just enough

But you need to learn more.

Yes, We WERE slaves, BUT, we were also, kings + queens, We were and still are business men + women

We were smart + logical

We were hardworking, we were not lazy.

We were strong..some of the strongest people you’d never know!

Because of them..

The ceiling is GLASS,

It is not made of stone as many would want you to think..

Shatter that ceiling,

and shoot for the moon,

Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

Starting right where you are 

Today we are 19 days into the new year. Research has shown that 80% of New Years Resolutions fail by February, so that means technically we have 12 more days left right? Wrong! What they didn’t tell you is that, you don’t fail unless you don’t try again. So what if you quit seven days into the New Year, it doesn’t make you a quitter if you start again five days later. I have that really bad, I am an excellent starter, but when it comes to finishing sometimes I’m not the best. I have made it my duty to make this year a year of finishing everything that I start + if I get side tracked, make it no issue to pick back up and try again! Nothing is wrong with that. It’s life. As long as you start right where you are, then you are NOT a quitter. In 2018 Keep it simple:1. Stop letting abandoned dreams stay abandoned, pick back up and start OVER again, find a different route in doing it, make your plans more detailed, whatever the case, get it done.

2. Try your hardest to avoid distractions. (Distractions, can be people or things that keep you away from achieving your goals) Everyone can’t go where God is trying to take you.

3. Remember why you started + why you can’t quit. (I can’t let my kids think that quitting is okay)

4. Keep Going. (everything you do brings you closer to where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing)